I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
