Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
