sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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