Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
