I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
there is glitter all over my balls
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
