The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
