Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
