whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
