Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
