you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
