God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
