Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
