I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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