I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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