All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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