do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
