so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
