Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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