Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
