dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
