i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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