Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
