I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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