im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
