Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
It was confusing and full of hummus
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
