shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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