You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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