Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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