I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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