so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
