just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
