I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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