Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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