If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
