I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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