The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize