Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
