you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize