The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
