i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
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