Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
