when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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