im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
