Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
