Me too!
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize