dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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