Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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