the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
