my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
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