yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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