In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
We have started to decorate penises.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
