Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
