So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
