if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
