i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
