I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
he shaved USA in his pubs
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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