we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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