which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
