the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
