sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
