Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
