I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
