Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I have aggressive nipples.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
