Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
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